\u00c7ok mutlu oldu\u011fumu ve hi\u00e7 korkmad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 s\u00f6ylemek isterdim. Fakat yalan s\u00f6yleyemem! <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Korkuyorum. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Hem de \u00e7ok!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Benim i\u00e7in bu karar, yeni bir yolu ve hayali temsil ediyor. Hem de \u00e7ok uzun zamand\u0131r \u00e7ekmecelerde kilitli kalm\u0131\u015f bir hayali. Asl\u0131nda bir kolide.. Ger\u00e7ekten. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc ge\u00e7en g\u00fcn eski e\u015fyalar\u0131mla, unutulmu\u015f \u015feylerle dolu; giyinme dolab\u0131m\u0131n en \u00fcst raf\u0131na hapsedilmi\u015f, bordo renkli bir koliyi tekrar a\u00e7t\u0131m. \u0130\u00e7inde yaz\u0131 eskizlerim, saman k\u00e2\u011f\u0131da yaz\u0131lm\u0131\u015f metinlerim, \u00e7abalar\u0131m, hayallerim, \u00fcst\u00fc defalarca karalanm\u0131\u015f yaz\u0131lar\u0131m, k\u0131rm\u0131z\u0131 kalemle ve en ac\u0131mas\u0131z ele\u015ftirilerimle dolu notlar\u0131m vard\u0131. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ben kendimi bildim bileli yaz\u0131yorum. En \u00e7ok \u00fcz\u00fcld\u00fck\u00e7e yaz\u0131yorum. Sonra mutlu olunca yaz\u0131yorum, o g\u00fcn\u00fc unutmamak i\u00e7in. Ya da kafam kar\u0131\u015f\u0131nca yaz\u0131yorum, elimde ne var ne yok g\u00f6zlerimle g\u00f6rmek i\u00e7in. Sonra karars\u0131zken yaz\u0131yorum, kalbimin sesini duyabilmek i\u00e7in. Eskiden yaln\u0131zken yazard\u0131m, bug\u00fcnlerde ise kalabal\u0131klar i\u00e7inde yaz\u0131yorum. Ben yaz\u0131yorum; yerden, konudan, ki\u015fiden, duygudan ba\u011f\u0131ms\u0131z olarak yaz\u0131yorum. Sonra da bu kadar yaz\u0131y\u0131 kolilerde sakl\u0131yor, \u00e7ekmecelere kilitliyorum. Y\u0131llard\u0131r! Kendimi bildim bileli.. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Giyinme dolab\u0131m\u0131n en \u00fcst raf\u0131na hapsedilmi\u015f, bordo renkli o koliyi a\u00e7\u0131p, i\u00e7indekileri tek tek \u00e7\u0131kard\u0131\u011f\u0131mda; o kolinin a\u00e7\u0131k kalmas\u0131 gerekti\u011fini kalbimin en derinlerinde hissettim. Ve o ka\u011f\u0131t y\u0131\u011f\u0131nlar\u0131na bakt\u0131\u011f\u0131mda, asl\u0131nda ge\u00e7mi\u015fin beni tam olarak \u2018bug\u00fcne\u2019 haz\u0131rlad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 fark ettim.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u2018Bug\u00fcn, beni bu noktaya getirmesi gerekti\u011fini.\u2019 Hepinizin aras\u0131na! G\u00f6zler \u00f6n\u00fcne, korkular\u0131mla y\u00fczle\u015fmeye, onaylanmamaya, becerememeye, debelenmeye ve yeni bir ba\u015flang\u0131c\u0131 kutlamaya! <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Bir kutlama! \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc ben, bug\u00fcn o \u00e7ekmecelerin kilitlerini k\u0131rmaya, kolilerin kapa\u011f\u0131n\u0131 a\u00e7\u0131k b\u0131rakmaya ve o k\u0131rm\u0131z\u0131 kalemi \u00e7\u00f6pe atmaya karar verdim. Ben bug\u00fcn, \u00f6lmeden \u00f6nce yapmak istedi\u011fim \u015feylerin ba\u015f\u0131nda gelen bir \u015fey i\u00e7in ad\u0131m atmaya karar verdim. Ben bug\u00fcn, kitab\u0131m\u0131 yazmaya, akl\u0131mda d\u00f6n\u00fcp duran hikayeleri kalbimden ge\u00e7ti\u011fi gibi ba\u015fkalar\u0131 ile de payla\u015fmaya karar verdim. Ve ben bug\u00fcn, hayat\u0131mda yeni bir ba\u015flang\u0131ca karar verdim. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ge\u00e7en hafta bir kitap\u00e7\u0131n\u0131n \u2018Yeni \u00c7\u0131kanlar\u2019 raf\u0131na bakarken, ad\u0131m\u0131 o rafta g\u00f6rmek i\u00e7in deli divane oldu\u011fumu fark etti\u011fimde bu karara ad\u0131m att\u0131m. Raf\u0131n kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131na ge\u00e7tim, bir \u2013 iki ad\u0131m geri gittim, ellerimi arkamda birle\u015ftirdim ve t\u00fcm raf\u0131 g\u00f6recek \u015fekilde dakikalarca hayal kurdum. Sanki benim de kitab\u0131m o raftaym\u0131\u015f, ad\u0131m orada yaz\u0131yormu\u015f gibi en derinlerimde bu tarif edilemez iste\u011fi hissettim. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Umar\u0131m yolunuzun herhangi bir kitap\u00e7\u0131ya d\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc\u011f\u00fc bir g\u00fcn, o rafta benim de ad\u0131m\u0131 g\u00f6r\u00fcrs\u00fcn\u00fcz. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc ben kitab\u0131m\u0131n ilk b\u00f6l\u00fcm\u00fcn\u00fc bug\u00fcn itibari ile tamamlad\u0131m bile!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sevgi ile, yolum hep kalbimin rehberli\u011finde!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
17.Eyl\u00fcl.2022, Ankara<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" \u00c7ok mutlu oldu\u011fumu ve hi\u00e7 korkmad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 s\u00f6ylemek isterdim. Fakat yalan s\u00f6yleyemem! Korkuyorum. Hem de \u00e7ok! Benim i\u00e7in bu karar, yeni bir yolu […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2102,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2100","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.burcutarhan.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2100","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.burcutarhan.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.burcutarhan.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.burcutarhan.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.burcutarhan.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2100"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.burcutarhan.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2100\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2104,"href":"https:\/\/www.burcutarhan.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2100\/revisions\/2104"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.burcutarhan.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/2102"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.burcutarhan.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2100"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.burcutarhan.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2100"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.burcutarhan.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2100"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}