{"id":2113,"date":"2022-10-15T12:40:23","date_gmt":"2022-10-15T12:40:23","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.burcutarhan.com\/?p=2113"},"modified":"2022-10-15T13:03:09","modified_gmt":"2022-10-15T13:03:09","slug":"cunku-mutluluk-bir-secimdir","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.burcutarhan.com\/?p=2113","title":{"rendered":"\u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc Mutluluk Bir Se\u00e7imdir"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Bir Zen ustas\u0131na sormu\u015flar: \u2018Nas\u0131l hep b\u00f6yle ne\u015feli ve mutlusun?\u2019 diye. Usta durmu\u015f, g\u00fcl\u00fcmseyip cevap vermi\u015f: \u2018\u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc ben her sabah uyan\u0131yor ve buna, b\u00f6yle olmaya karar veriyorum.\u2019<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc mutluluk bir se\u00e7imdir. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Eminim hepimizin zor zamanlar\u0131, hayatlar\u0131, \u00e7ocuklu\u011funda ya da ergenli\u011finde \u00fcstesinden gelmekte zorland\u0131\u011f\u0131 an\u0131lar\u0131 olmu\u015ftur. Baz\u0131lar\u0131m\u0131z o an\u0131larda ve tam olarak o h\u00fcz\u00fcnl\u00fc hissiyatta kal\u0131p, bu travmalar\u0131n g\u00f6lgesinde hayat\u0131n\u0131 s\u00fcrd\u00fcrmeyi se\u00e7se de; baz\u0131lar\u0131m\u0131z bu durumu, yaralar\u0131n\u0131, defolar\u0131n\u0131, korkular\u0131n\u0131 kabul edip, yolunda t\u00fcm bunlarla \u00f6zg\u00fcrce y\u00fcr\u00fcmeyi se\u00e7iyor. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc hayat da t\u0131pk\u0131 mutluluk gibi bir se\u00e7imdir.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bug\u00fcn 38 ya\u015f\u0131nday\u0131m. Ne demekse! 
Yani asl\u0131nda ruhum ve kalbim hala i\u00e7imdeki 17 ya\u015f\u0131ndaki k\u0131z \u00e7ocu\u011funu ya\u015famak i\u00e7in sonsuz bir \u00e7aba sarf etse de, en az\u0131ndan takvimdeki y\u0131llar ve say\u0131lar 38 diye bir ya\u015fta oldu\u011fumu s\u00f6yl\u00fcyor. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Hayat\u0131m boyunca hi\u00e7bir g\u00fcn \u2018Of, bug\u00fcn hava ne kadar da k\u00f6t\u00fc!\u2019 dedi\u011fimi bilmem. Kar, ya\u011fmur, berbat gri bulutlar, \u00e7ok nem, kavurucu s\u0131cak.. Bence havalar hep g\u00fczel! G\u00fcne\u015f ile birlikte g\u00f6k y\u00fcz\u00fc p\u0131r\u0131l p\u0131r\u0131l parlasa da g\u00fczel, ya\u011fmur bedenimi s\u0131r\u0131ls\u0131klam yapsa da g\u00fczel, kar t\u00fcm \u015fehri kaplay\u0131p hatta belki pis bir \u00e7amura d\u00f6nse de g\u00fczel, s\u0131caktan elbisem \u00fcst\u00fcme yap\u0131\u015fsa da g\u00fczel. \u015eemsiye, eldiven, atk\u0131, berenin s\u0131cac\u0131k ve kendini g\u00fcvende hissettiren tad\u0131 da ba\u015fka; k\u0131rm\u0131z\u0131 yeni ald\u0131\u011f\u0131m f\u0131rf\u0131rl\u0131 bikiniyi giyecek olman\u0131n heyecan\u0131 da! T\u00fcm bunlar\u0131n tek ortak noktas\u0131 bireysel olarak ki\u015finin i\u00e7 d\u00fcnyas\u0131n\u0131n ayd\u0131nl\u0131k \/ berrak olup olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131 bence. Hayata nas\u0131l bakt\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z, g\u00fcne nas\u0131l uyand\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z, g\u00fcn i\u00e7inde kendimizle ve sevdiklerimizle k\u0131sac\u0131k bile olsa ileti\u015fimimiz, hatta o koca kaosun ve ko\u015fturman\u0131n i\u00e7inde belki birka\u00e7 saniye sadece, sakince durabilme ihtiyac\u0131m\u0131za verdi\u011fimiz cevap.. G\u00f6zlerimiz ger\u00e7ek g\u00fczellikleri g\u00f6r\u00fcp, akl\u0131m\u0131z \u00f6zg\u00fcrce d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnebildi\u011finde yani biz ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z\u0131n fark\u0131na vard\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z s\u00fcrece hayat bizim! G\u00fcn 24 saat ve bizlere yetmiyor gibi gelse de asl\u0131nda kocaman! Yeter ki ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z\u0131n fark\u0131na varal\u0131m. Ya\u015fam\u0131n her an\u0131n\u0131 ve dakikas\u0131n\u0131 \u00f6z\u00fcmseyerek, hakk\u0131n\u0131 vererek ya\u015fayal\u0131m!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tabii ki hayat toz pembe de\u011fil; ya da ben bir romantik komedi \/ ki\u015fisel geli\u015fim kitab\u0131 yazar\u0131 ve ya sava\u015f kahraman\u0131 de\u011filim. Benim de \u00e7ok zorland\u0131\u011f\u0131m, a\u011flad\u0131\u011f\u0131m, o kal\u0131n yorgan\u0131n alt\u0131ndan \u00e7\u0131kma cesaretini g\u00f6steremedi\u011fim, yaralar\u0131m\u0131 temizlesin \/ aks\u0131n gitsin diye s\u0131cak suyun alt\u0131nda uzun zaman ge\u00e7irdi\u011fim, kendimi \u00e7aresiz, yaln\u0131z hissedip, ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131m olaylarda kabu\u011fuma \u00e7ekildi\u011fim anlar oluyor.. Hatta \u00e7ok da s\u0131k oluyor. En yak\u0131n\u0131n\u0131 2 hafta \u00f6nce ya\u015fad\u0131m. Ergenlik d\u00f6nemimde maruz kald\u0131\u011f\u0131m ve nedenini tek ba\u015f\u0131ma bulup, a\u015famad\u0131\u011f\u0131m i\u00e7in uzun bir s\u00fcre profesyonel destek ile bar\u0131\u015fmaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131m, kendimce b\u00fcy\u00fck ve yaralay\u0131c\u0131 bir konu; iki hafta \u00f6nce ba\u015fka birinin ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131 benzer bir olay vas\u0131tas\u0131 ile hortlad\u0131. Hortlad\u0131 da ne demek? Hortlad\u0131, geldi, hayat\u0131m\u0131n tam ortas\u0131na oturdu ve ben bir anda elimi \/ kolumu kald\u0131ramaz hale geldim! Ben bu konuyu halletti\u011fimi ve bununla bar\u0131\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcrken; bir bakt\u0131m b\u0131rak\u0131n \u00e7\u00f6zmeyi, yak\u0131n\u0131ndan bile ge\u00e7ememi\u015fim. Ve bir ben ki, t\u0131pk\u0131 13-15 ya\u015f\u0131nda bu olay\u0131 ya\u015fan o k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck k\u0131z \u00e7ocu\u011fu gibi yine yata\u011fa girmi\u015fim, yorgan\u0131 \u00fczerime \u00e7ekip, bu kozadan hi\u00e7 \u00e7\u0131kmak istemeyerek g\u00fcnlerce ruh gibi ya\u015fam\u0131\u015f\u0131m.\u00a0\u00a0Ve a\u011flam\u0131\u015f\u0131m, a\u011flam\u0131\u015f\u0131m ve yine a\u011flam\u0131\u015f\u0131m..<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ben bu karabasan ruh hali ile iyice derinlere \u00e7ekilirken, bir omuz uzand\u0131 bana ve \u2018Burday\u0131m, iyi olacaks\u0131n\u2019 dedi. S\u0131rt\u0131m\u0131 s\u0131vazlad\u0131, \u2018ge\u00e7ecek\u2019 dedi, \u2018neler ge\u00e7miyor ki!\u2019 O gece son bir kez a\u011flay\u0131p, sabah\u0131nda aynan\u0131n kar\u015f\u0131s\u0131nda buldum kendimi plans\u0131zca. Aynada kendime, \u00e7\u00f6km\u00fc\u015f g\u00f6zaltlar\u0131ma, kurumu\u015f derime bakt\u0131m ve derin bir nefes al\u0131p g\u00f6zlerimi kapatt\u0131m. D\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcm. Bug\u00fcn\u00fcme; o k\u0131z \u00e7ocu\u011funun ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131 \u015feye hayat i\u00e7inde tak\u0131l\u0131p kalmay\u0131p, gururla, emin ad\u0131mlarla, kendi yolumla y\u00fcr\u00fcm\u00fc\u015f olmama; daha da iyisi bu yolu y\u00fcr\u00fcrken zevk ve keyif alm\u0131\u015f olmama \u015f\u00fck\u00fcr ettim. Evet, yaral\u0131yd\u0131m. Ama yaralar sar\u0131l\u0131rd\u0131.. Hayat\u0131n zenginli\u011fi u\u00e7suz bucaks\u0131z! Hepsi benim, hepsi benim onlar\u0131 deneyimlemem ve ya\u015famam i\u00e7in yarat\u0131lm\u0131\u015f. Yeter ki bu zenginli\u011fi g\u00f6rebilecek yerden bakay\u0131m. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc bu birka\u00e7 g\u00fcnd\u00fcr, bak\u0131p da g\u00f6rmemenin m\u00fcmk\u00fcn oldu\u011funu deneyimledim. Ben g\u00f6rmeye, duymaya, hissetmeye haz\u0131r\u0131m. Bu da ge\u00e7ecek yahu! Neler ge\u00e7medi ki..  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ge\u00e7mi\u015fte ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131m olay\u0131 de\u011fi\u015ftiremezken, ge\u00e7mi\u015fin beni de\u011fi\u015ftirmesine ve bug\u00fcn\u00fcm\u00fc mahvetmesine neden izin veriyorum ki? O k\u0131z \u00e7ocu\u011funun ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131 zorbal\u0131\u011f\u0131n kap\u0131s\u0131n\u0131 kapatacak ve \u00f6n\u00fcme bakaca\u011f\u0131m. En az\u0131ndan bakmaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015facak ve buna emek & \u00e7aba harcayaca\u011f\u0131m. Asl\u0131nda denemeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yorum.. Travmalar\u0131m benim su\u00e7um de\u011fil ancak onlar\u0131 iyile\u015ftirmek, onlarla bar\u0131\u015fmak benim sorumlulu\u011fumda. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sahip olamad\u0131klar\u0131m\u0131za ula\u015fmak i\u00e7in \u00e7abalarken, sahip olduklar\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 unuttu\u011fumuz i\u00e7in mutsuz olabilir miyiz acaba? B\u00f6yle g\u00fcnlerde kalbimi notalar\u0131na b\u0131rakt\u0131\u011f\u0131m birka\u00e7 \u015fark\u0131 var. Belki size de \u015fifa olur dile\u011fi ile a\u015fa\u011f\u0131ya s\u0131ral\u0131yorum:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

*Mozart \u2013 Canzonetta Sull\u2019 aria
*Lilium \u2013 Sleeping Inside
*Evgeny Grinko \u2013 Valse
*Chopin \u2013 Spring Waltz
*Yiruma \u2013 River Flows in You
*Yann Tiersen \u2013 Comptinr d\u2019un Autre \u00e9t\u00e9
*Arianna Savall \u2013 Adoucit La M\u00e9lodie<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yak\u0131n zamanda ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131m ve  kalbimin t\u00fcm \u015feffafl\u0131\u011f\u0131 ile yukar\u0131da anlatt\u0131\u011f\u0131m bu buhranl\u0131 d\u00f6nemi arp’\u0131n nahifli\u011fi, Frans\u0131zca’n\u0131n g\u00fczelli\u011fi, Arianna Savall’\u0131n \u015fahane makam\u0131 ve Rumi\u2019nin insan\u0131 kalbinden vuran s\u00f6zleri; yani Adoucit La M\u00e9lodie ile ge\u00e7irdim.\ud83e\udd0d Bence hepsi birle\u015fmi\u015f ve ortaya melodisiyle sizi al\u0131p uzaklara g\u00f6t\u00fcren bu muhte\u015fem sanat eseri \u00e7\u0131km\u0131\u015f. Iyile\u015ftiriyor ve \u015fifaland\u0131r\u0131yor insan ruhunu; hatta yine bence cennetin bir traileri olsayd\u0131, san\u0131r\u0131m soundtracki bu \u015fark\u0131 olurdu. \ud83d\udcab<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Anlam\u0131n\u0131 \u00f6\u011frenince daha bir ba\u011fland\u0131m a\u00e7\u0131k\u00e7as\u0131 bu \u015fahane \u015fark\u0131ya. Merak edenler i\u00e7in;  
Kulaklar\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 b\u00fcy\u00fcleyen kaval ve saz
Ezgilerini g\u00f6kkubeden al\u0131r
\u0130nan\u00e7sa d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnceden
Sesleri g\u00fczelle\u015ftireni g\u00f6r\u00fcr
Biz ademdeniz, onunla duyar\u0131z
Meleklerin \u015fark\u0131s\u0131n\u0131
Zihnimiz, kederli de olsa dinler
Ola\u011fan\u00fcst\u00fc na\u011fmelerin yank\u0131lar\u0131n\u0131
M\u00fczik t\u00fcm sevenlerin \u00f6z\u00fcd\u00fcr
Ruhu alemlerin \u00fczerine ta\u015f\u0131r
K\u00fcller korla\u015f\u0131r, g\u00f6r\u00fcnmez ate\u015fler y\u00fckselir
Dinleriz, bar\u0131\u015f ve zevkle beslenerek.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bug\u00fcnler b\u00f6yle ge\u00e7iyor bende..\ud83c\udf3f Biraz ini\u015fli \u00e7\u0131k\u0131\u015fl\u0131, biraz ko\u015fturmal\u0131, biraz a\u011fr\u0131l\u0131 \/ ac\u0131l\u0131. Ama ge\u00e7iyor. Neler ge\u00e7medi ki..  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yeter ki ben hayat\u0131n ve mutlulu\u011fun bir se\u00e7im oldu\u011funu hat\u0131rlayarak ya\u015fayay\u0131m ve t\u0131pk\u0131 zen ustas\u0131 gibi her sabah uyan\u0131p, ne\u015feli ve mutlu olmaya karar vereyim. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc \u00f6m\u00fcr sadece bir kez, g\u00fcn bir tane ve o da bug\u00fcn. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sevgi ile\ud83d\ude4f\ud83c\udffb<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ekim, 2022. 
Ankara \u2013 Anamur aras\u0131nda umut dolu bir hikaye.<\/em>\ud83c\udf88<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Bir Zen ustas\u0131na sormu\u015flar: \u2018Nas\u0131l hep b\u00f6yle ne\u015feli ve mutlusun?\u2019 diye. Usta durmu\u015f, g\u00fcl\u00fcmseyip cevap vermi\u015f: \u2018\u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc ben her sabah uyan\u0131yor ve buna, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2117,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2113","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.burcutarhan.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2113","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.burcutarhan.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.burcutarhan.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.burcutarhan.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.burcutarhan.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2113"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/www.burcutarhan.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2113\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2123,"href":"https:\/\/www.burcutarhan.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2113\/revisions\/2123"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.burcutarhan.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/2117"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.burcutarhan.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2113"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.burcutarhan.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2113"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.burcutarhan.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2113"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}