Karn\u0131m ac\u0131kt\u0131. Birka\u00e7 badem, portakal, evde ne varsa k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck bir taba\u011f\u0131n i\u00e7ine koydum; koltu\u011fa kuruldum. M\u00fczik dinlerken at\u0131\u015ft\u0131ray\u0131m diye, elim sevdi\u011fim \u015fark\u0131lardan olu\u015fturdu\u011fum listeme gitti. Biraz gezindim i\u00e7inde, be\u011fenmedim hi\u00e7birini; vazge\u00e7tim. Telefonu koydum yan\u0131ma.<\/p>\n\n
Televizyonun kumandas\u0131na uzand\u0131m, rasgele bir dizi a\u00e7t\u0131m. En \u00fcstte ne varsa; \u2018bu ay 1. s\u0131rada\u2019 yazan ilk dizi hangisiyse..\u00a0\u00a0\u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc \u00f6ylesine.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n
Sadece bir \u015feyler yerken, zaman ge\u00e7sin, ekranda dursun diye ve g\u00f6z ucu ile bakt\u0131\u011f\u0131m bir dizide tesad\u00fcfen bir \u015fark\u0131 \u00e7almaya ba\u015flad\u0131.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n
Oturdum kald\u0131m. Oturdu\u011fum yerde kald\u0131m. Kalakald\u0131m.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n
Sonra geriye ald\u0131m diziyi, ve ayn\u0131 sahneyi (ve m\u00fczi\u011fi) bir daha dinledim. Bir daha. Ve bir daha. Ve bir daha. Bir bakt\u0131m a\u011fz\u0131mdeki lokma b\u00fcy\u00fcm\u00fc\u015f ve yanaklar\u0131m s\u0131r\u0131ls\u0131klam.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n
Hayat\u0131mda \u00e7ok b\u00fcy\u00fck yer kaplayan bir olaya dair an\u0131s\u0131 var \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc bu \u015fark\u0131n\u0131n. Y\u0131llar y\u0131llar \u00f6ncesine ait. O d\u00f6nemde dinlerdim bu \u015fark\u0131y\u0131.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n
Unutmu\u015fum, ge\u00e7mi\u015f zaman. Hem olay\u0131 hem de bu \u015fark\u0131y\u0131. Belki 20 \u2013 25 y\u0131ld\u0131r dinlememi\u015fim.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n
O an\u0131 geldi g\u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fcn \u00f6n\u00fcne. Can\u0131m\u0131 y\u0131rtarcas\u0131na ac\u0131tan o d\u00f6nem, o an\u0131. Ac\u0131, an\u0131 ve bu \u015fark\u0131 ayn\u0131 zaten benim i\u00e7in..\u00a0<\/p>\n\n
\u00dczerinden y\u0131llar ge\u00e7mi\u015f. Ben de\u011fi\u015fmi\u015fim, olaylar, konular, ki\u015filer de\u011fi\u015fmi\u015f; hayat akm\u0131\u015f ge\u00e7mi\u015f. Ben zannediyordum ki unutmu\u015fum.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n
4 dakika, 27 saniyelik bir \u015fark\u0131, ald\u0131 beni ayn\u0131 yere tekrar g\u00f6t\u00fcrd\u00fc. Kalbimin zorland\u0131\u011f\u0131 o zamanlara.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n
Sonra televizyonu kapatt\u0131m. Bu sefer \u015fark\u0131n\u0131n orjinalini a\u00e7t\u0131m. Sonra biraz daha a\u011flad\u0131m. Sonra biraz daha..\u00a0<\/p>\n\n
Tam kar\u015f\u0131mda benden tarafa do\u011fru bakan ve televizyonun hemen sol taraf\u0131ndaki bir foto\u011frafa de\u011fdi g\u00f6z\u00fcm. A\u011flarken g\u00fcl\u00fcmsedim. Ge\u00e7mi\u015f. Ac\u0131 ge\u00e7mi\u015f. Ac\u0131 ge\u00e7mi\u015f ama an\u0131 kalm\u0131\u015f.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n
An\u0131, hayat\u0131mda ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131m bir \u2018an\u0131\u2019 olarak yerini alm\u0131\u015f.\u00a0\u00a0Ama ac\u0131tm\u0131yor art\u0131k. Sadece bir anda tekrar hat\u0131rlamak \u015fa\u015f\u0131rtt\u0131 san\u0131r\u0131m beni.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n
Sakinle\u015ftim.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n
Yanaklar\u0131m\u0131 sildim.<\/p>\n\n
Tam kar\u015f\u0131mda benden tarafa do\u011fru bakan ve televizyonun hemen sol taraf\u0131ndaki g\u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fcn de\u011fdi\u011fi foto\u011fraf\u0131 elime ald\u0131m. Bir daha bakt\u0131m. \u00dcst\u00fcmdeki pijamadan hallice t-shirtle cam\u0131n\u0131n \u00fcst\u00fcn\u00fc sildim. Ald\u0131\u011f\u0131m yere tekrar koydum. Ve tabii ki yine bana bakacak \u015fekilde.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n
Hayat \u00e7ok de\u011fi\u015fik bir yer. \u00d6mr\u00fcmde \u00f6\u011frendi\u011fim yegane sey: Ge\u00e7mi\u015fte can\u0131n\u0131 y\u0131rtarcan\u0131na ac\u0131tan t\u00fcm ac\u0131lar bir \u015fekilde ge\u00e7iyor. Ne yasarsak ya\u015fayal\u0131m; \u2018Zamanla Geciyor\ud83c\udf88\u2019<\/p>\n\n
Ac\u0131 ge\u00e7iyor. An\u0131 olarak hayat\u0131nda kal\u0131yor.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n
Y\u0131llar ge\u00e7iyor. Lisedeyken hayalini kurdu\u011fun gibi bir hayat\u0131n tam da i\u00e7inde ya\u015farken, bir bak\u0131yorsun o an\u0131 sadece eskide kalm\u0131\u015f oluyor. Ac\u0131s\u0131z. Yani o an\u0131y\u0131 sen nereye koyarsan \u00f6yle kal\u0131yor.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n
2 Mart 2026\u2019da, saat \u00f6\u011fleden sonra 4 sular\u0131nda, d\u0131\u015far\u0131da g\u00fcne\u015f varken ve buna ragmen hava 7 dereceyken (ne tezat!) hayat\u0131m\u0131n 15 dakikas\u0131 b\u00f6yle ge\u00e7ti.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n
Bug\u00fcn\u00fcn an\u0131s\u0131 bende kals\u0131n diye, \u015fark\u0131n\u0131n s\u00f6zlerini a\u015fa\u011f\u0131ya b\u0131rak\u0131yorum:\u00a0<\/p>\n\n
Ben her sabah g\u00f6zlerim
Ya\u015fl\u0131 ya\u015fl\u0131 uyan\u0131yorum
\u00c7aresiz sava\u015f\u0131yorum
An\u0131lar\u0131mla, sorularla
Dostlar\u0131m i\u00e7imde sanki
Kurt misali beni yiyorlar
Yava\u015f yava\u015f, par\u00e7a par\u00e7a
G\u00f6r\u00fcyorum ki \u00f6l\u00fcyorum
—–
Benim \u015fu kalbim, benim \u015fu g\u00f6nl\u00fcm
Seni mi sevdi, sana m\u0131 g\u00fcvendi?
Benim \u015fu akl\u0131m \u015fa\u015ft\u0131 kald\u0131
Sana m\u0131 kand\u0131, sana m\u0131 inand\u0131?
\u00c7ok d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcm, \u00e7ok \u00fcz\u00fcld\u00fcm
Pi\u015fman oldum, kader dedim
D\u00fcn sabah seni affettim
“\u0130nsano\u011flu, ya\u015fam…” dedim<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Karn\u0131m ac\u0131kt\u0131. Birka\u00e7 badem, portakal, evde ne varsa k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck bir taba\u011f\u0131n i\u00e7ine koydum; koltu\u011fa kuruldum. M\u00fczik dinlerken at\u0131\u015ft\u0131ray\u0131m diye, elim sevdi\u011fim \u015fark\u0131lardan […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2268,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2259","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.burcutarhan.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2259","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.burcutarhan.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.burcutarhan.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.burcutarhan.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.burcutarhan.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2259"}],"version-history":[{"count":18,"href":"https:\/\/www.burcutarhan.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2259\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2288,"href":"https:\/\/www.burcutarhan.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2259\/revisions\/2288"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.burcutarhan.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/2268"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.burcutarhan.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2259"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.burcutarhan.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2259"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.burcutarhan.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2259"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}