{"id":973,"date":"2020-09-10T10:35:39","date_gmt":"2020-09-10T10:35:39","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.burcutarhan.com\/?p=973"},"modified":"2021-01-02T09:09:32","modified_gmt":"2021-01-02T09:09:32","slug":"dialog","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.burcutarhan.com\/?p=973","title":{"rendered":"Dialog"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<iframe src=\"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/embed\/track\/0VuIwDCvECnKkQcEoPbuy2\" width=\"300\" height=\"80\" frameborder=\"0\" allowtransparency=\"true\" allow=\"encrypted-media\"><\/iframe>\n\n\n\n<p><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p style=\"font-size:15px\">Ben kendimi bildim bileli yaz\u0131yorum. \u0130lkokulda okumay\u0131 ve yazmay\u0131 s\u00f6kt\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm zaman, bunun nas\u0131l mutluluk veren bir d\u00fcnya oldu\u011funu fark etmemle ba\u015flad\u0131 yazma ser\u00fcvenim.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p style=\"font-size:15px\">Sevindim yazd\u0131m, heyecanland\u0131m yazd\u0131m ama en \u00e7ok hayal k\u0131r\u0131kl\u0131klar\u0131m\u0131 yazd\u0131m. Mutluluk; aile, sevgili ve arkada\u015flar ile daha kolay payla\u015f\u0131l\u0131yor fakat umutsuzluk ve h\u00fcz\u00fcn kendi i\u00e7inde ya\u015fan\u0131yor galiba. \u0130\u00e7im dolduk\u00e7a yazd\u0131m ben de\u2026 Yazd\u0131k\u00e7a bo\u015fald\u0131m, anlatt\u0131k\u00e7a \u00f6zg\u00fcrle\u015ftim. Bir bakm\u0131\u015f\u0131m defterler bitmi\u015f, bilgisayar\u0131n sanal sayfalar\u0131 dolmu\u015f ta\u015fm\u0131\u015f.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p style=\"font-size:15px\">Y\u0131llar \u00f6ncesine dair birka\u00e7 defterimi dizdim d\u00fcn gece masam\u0131n \u00fcst\u00fcne. Elime gelen rastgele sayfalar\u0131 okuyarak ge\u00e7irdim t\u00fcm ak\u015fam\u0131m\u0131. Uzaktan bak\u0131nca yazd\u0131klar\u0131ma, ne \u00e7ok anlatacak \u015feyim varm\u0131\u015f diyorum. Kald\u0131 ki bu kadar c\u00fcmleye, paragrafa ra\u011fmen hala da azalmam\u0131\u015f anlatmak istediklerim.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p style=\"font-size:15px\">Benim i\u00e7in yazmak bu d\u00fcnyada \u2018Ben de var\u0131m!\u2019 deme bi\u00e7imi. Kendim ile ileti\u015fim kurma y\u00f6ntemim asl\u0131nda. Sorun \u015fu ki, hep ve sadece kendimle ileti\u015fim kurabildim ben. Ben anlatt\u0131m, ben okudum, ben yorum yapt\u0131m, yeri geldi ben y\u0131rtt\u0131m att\u0131m. Tam 29 y\u0131l boyunca monolog yapt\u0131m. \u00c7\u00fcnk\u00fc korktum. Ya beni, yazd\u0131klar\u0131m\u0131 be\u011fenmezlerse, takdir etmezlerse diye korktum. Aileme, en yak\u0131nlar\u0131ma bile bir c\u00fcmle dahi okumad\u0131m. Yazd\u0131klar\u0131m\u0131 kilitlerin alt\u0131na saklad\u0131m, belli olmas\u0131n diye de \u00fcstlerine \u00f6rt\u00fcler \u00f6rtt\u00fcm.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p style=\"font-size:15px\">Bug\u00fcn monologdan diyalo\u011fa ge\u00e7meye cesaret ediyorum ben. Haftalard\u0131r akl\u0131mda dola\u015fan c\u00fcmleler, ilk ta\u015f\u0131 nas\u0131l ataca\u011f\u0131m\u0131n heyecan\u0131 var. \u2018Nerden ba\u015flasam, nas\u0131l anlatsam\u2019 \u015fark\u0131s\u0131 ruhumda c\u00fcretkarca volta at\u0131yor. \u2018Hadi\u2019 diyor bir taraf\u0131m, \u2018Y\u0131llarca saklad\u0131n kendini. \u015eimdi de\u011filse, ne zaman?\u2019. Di\u011fer taraf\u0131m ise \u00fcst\u00fcne yorgan\u0131 \u00e7ekip, t\u00fcm v\u00fccudunu saklama \u00e7abas\u0131nda.\u00a0\u00a0\u2018\u015eimdi a\u00e7acaks\u0131n \u00f6yle mi kalbini? Seni hi\u00e7 tan\u0131mayan; hayallerinden bir haber insanlar\u0131n avcuna \u00f6ylece b\u0131rakacaks\u0131n kalbini!\u2019 diye korkutuyor beni. Ah bu ruhumdaki hi\u00e7 ge\u00e7meyen ikilik!\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p style=\"font-size:15px\">Her insan\u0131n (umuyorum ki) bir de\u011fi\u015fim, d\u00fcnyay\u0131 anlama, hayat\u0131n\u0131 sorgulama d\u00f6nemi oluyor. Rutin olarak yapt\u0131klar\u0131n\u0131n anlam\u0131n\u0131 arad\u0131\u011f\u0131 ve i\u00e7inde kayboldu\u011fu bir ser\u00fcven bu bence. Sonucunda ortaya \u00e7\u0131kan ya bamba\u015fka bir hayat ve birey oluyor ya da buna cesaret edemeyip \u00e7emberin i\u00e7inde potansiyelinden habersiz ya\u015f\u0131yor ve \u00f6l\u00fcyor. &#8211; Ne ac\u0131!&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p style=\"font-size:15px\">Benim de\u011fi\u015fimim 3 y\u0131l \u00f6nce ba\u015flad\u0131 ve d\u00f6rt nala devam ediyor. Koca bir a\u00e7l\u0131k gibi hissediyorum bu d\u00f6nemimi. M\u00fcmk\u00fcn olan her \u015feyi \u00f6\u011frenmek, deneyimlemek isteyen bir a\u00e7l\u0131k bu. Y\u0131llard\u0131r yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131 \u015feylerin \u00fcst\u00fcn\u00fc bir \u00e7\u0131rp\u0131da silebilmek \u00f6yle sanc\u0131l\u0131yd\u0131 ki.. \u015e\u00fck\u00fcrler olsun, sanc\u0131lar\u0131n sonucu do\u011fum oldu benim hayat\u0131mda. Bedeni minnac\u0131k, kafas\u0131 kocaman bir \u00e7ocuk duruyor \u015fimdi hayat\u0131m\u0131n tam ortas\u0131nda. O bana bak\u0131yor, ben ona. \u2018E \u015fimdi ne olacak?\u2019 diyoruz g\u00fclerek birlikte!\u00a0\u263a\ufe0f<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p style=\"font-size:15px\">\u015eimdi ne olaca\u011f\u0131 belli! Yazaca\u011f\u0131z onunla birlikte. \u0130ki Burcu da kalbini koyacak ortaya, anlatacaklar\u0131n\u0131 d\u00f6kecek c\u00fcmlelere. Kilitlerimizden, korkular\u0131m\u0131zdan, utanga\u00e7l\u0131klar\u0131m\u0131zdan ar\u0131nmaya niyet edece\u011fiz. Herkes beni sevsin, be\u011fensin, takdir etsin tabular\u0131m\u0131z yazd\u0131k\u00e7a yumu\u015fayacak.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p style=\"font-size:15px\">\u015eu an \u00f6\u011flen saatlerinde, evimin yan\u0131ndaki bir kafede, tek ba\u015f\u0131may\u0131m. 17 tane tahta \u015feridi olan, 4 ayakl\u0131 bir masada d\u00f6k\u00fcl\u00fcyor dilim parmaklar\u0131m\u0131n ucundan. A\u011fz\u0131m kuruyor yazd\u0131k\u00e7a, dizlerim titriyor.\u00a0Ama vazge\u00e7meyece\u011fim.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p style=\"font-size:15px\">Bu ilk olsun, bundan sonraki diyaloglar\u0131ma da cesaretle niyetim olsun!&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-small-font-size\" style=\"font-size:15px\"><em>Ankara, A\u011fustos 2020<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p class=\"text-justify\">Ben kendimi bildim bileli yaz\u0131yorum. \u0130lkokulda okumay\u0131 ve yazmay\u0131 s\u00f6kt\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm zaman, bunun nas\u0131l mutluluk veren bir d\u00fcnya oldu\u011funu fark etmemle ba\u015flad\u0131 yazma [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1467,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-973","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.burcutarhan.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/973","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.burcutarhan.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.burcutarhan.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.burcutarhan.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.burcutarhan.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=973"}],"version-history":[{"count":16,"href":"https:\/\/www.burcutarhan.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/973\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1639,"href":"https:\/\/www.burcutarhan.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/973\/revisions\/1639"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.burcutarhan.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/1467"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.burcutarhan.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=973"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.burcutarhan.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=973"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.burcutarhan.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=973"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}